Penn State students will probably look at this graph in disgust, but they’re simply crazy. There’s a universal saying that goes something like: “Rape is more significant than football.” Hopefully somewhere between wasting your parents money and getting shitfaced you understand that simple saying… and let’s hope you don’t learn it the hard way.

Mirror - Twins Marcus and Lucas ­arrived in the world just 48 minutes apart… yet they have two ­different fathers. Mum Charlotte Hilbrandt became ­pregnant by ex-husband Michael AND new boyfriend Tommy when she slept with both men within 48 hours. It means the boys, who turned six last week, are one of only three known sets of twins in the world who are genetic ­half-brothers, beating odds of a billion to one. “You have a bigger chance of winning the lottery than something like this ­happening,” said 38-year-old Charlotte.

Now of course this is an international story, but I had to blog it anyway. This is good news for girls and guys of all different nationalities. This woman has just set the slut bar so high that I may never consider a woman a slut again.

NY Daily News – A retired NYPD detective nearly caused a tragedy on Tuesday when she put a loaded pistol in her daughter’s backpack – and the girl inadvertently brought it to school. Marian Brioso, 46, of Staten Island, put her .25-caliber Taurus handgun in her 6-year-old daughter’s book bag, planning to remove it later, police sources said. But Brioso, who’s married to NYPD Capt. Paulino Brioso, forgot to remove the gun and her daughter unwittingly brought it to her first-grade class at the Transfiguration School in Chinatown.” The kid] went to school, opened up her bag and took it out. She said something, and a teacher came over,” a police source said. Cops couldn’t say why Brioso put the gun in the bag.

Who doesn’t secretly stash loaded guns in their daughter’s backpack? Seriously, nothing to see here. Let’s keep it moving.

OCTOBER 24–Citing the potential of “Occupy Wall Street” to become a “global brand,” a Long Island couple has filed to trademark the name of the amorphous organization responsible for the protests and encampments in lower Manhattan and other U.S. cities, The Smoking Gun has learned. In a U.S. Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) application, Robert and Diane Maresca are seeking to trademark the phrase “Occupy Wall St.” so that they can place it on a wide variety of goods, including bumper stickers, shirts, beach bags, footwear, umbrellas, and hobo bags. The October 18 filing, made in Diane Maresca’s name, cost the couple $975, which Robert Maresca, 44, termed “something of a gamble” in a TSG interview…. Asked if his move to stake a legal claim to “Occupy Wall Street” might be seen as a crass attempt to cash in on a movement that has a harsh view of corporations and capitalism, Maresca answered, “No.” Noting that he has a “practical business side,” Maresca added that, “If I didn’t buy it and use it someone else will.”

See if I have any problem with the Occupy Wall Street protesters it’s this: nobody’s going to give you anything, you have to take it! The world is never going to be perfect, as long as you have the opportunity to make some money, you’ve got to take that opportunity. Now with that being said, somebody sleeping in Zuccotti Park should’ve trademarked this thing immediately. If not to make money, at least to prevent some random guy from making money off of it. This guy could very well become a millionaire off of this thing. Opportunity taken!

Capitalism - 1 Perfect World – 0

Get with the program.

Info Wars – Not satisfied with fumbling through Americans’ private possessions, one TSA screener saw fit to make a humiliating joke about the contents, writing a personal message on a TSA inspection note after finding a sex toy in writer Jill Filipovic’s luggage. After arriving at her hotel, Filipovic was unpacking when she discovered her bag had been individually searched by a TSA screener who, having seen the “personal item,” saw fit to comment, writing “GET YOUR FREAK ON GIRL” on the reverse side of an inspection notice. “Total violation of privacy, wildly inappropriate and clearly not ok, but I also just died laughing in my hotel room,” wrote Filipovic. While proving themselves adept at identifying women’s vibrators, TSA screeners are notoriously less skilled at actually doing what they’re paid to do – find dangerous items.

At least somebody has a sense of humor. This TSA agent is just trying to lighten up everybody’s day. The best remedy for getting molested at the security checkpoint and going through an uncomfortable flight is laughter. After all was said and done, this lady went home, found the note, and almost died of laughter. If that doesn’t cheer you up for the rest of the day, nothing will.

P.S. Can’t blame him for hitting on her

Daily Mail – It’s not the first time she’s been banned from something due to her sexual antics, but on Saturday Courtney Stodden was asked to leave a pumpkin patch due to her inappropriate behaviour. Courtney, 17, who is married to 51-year-old actor, Doug Hutchinson, was shopping for Halloween decorations in California over the weekend with her husband – but just couldn’t seem to keep her hands off of him.

I almost went to pick a pumpkin today, but then I found out that this was inappropriate behavior.

I don’t know if this is considered child porn, but here are more pics anyway…

The City of Brotherly Love… When your brother is being held hostage, you grab an AK and show him some love.

Did this guy really just tape a condom to the chalkboard?

NBC – Details about the new sex education curriculum in New York City public schools are out — and some are concerned the lessons are too racy. The New York Post obtained workbooks that will be used for the new recommended curriculum, which begins in middle schools and high schools around the city next spring. Parents, they say, may be shocked by details of the work. Middle school students will be assigned “risk cards” that rate the safety of different activities, the paper says, from French kissing to oral sex. The workbooks for older students direct them to a website run by Columbia University, which explores topics such as sexual positions, porn stars, and bestiality. The lessons explain risky sexual behavior and suggest students go to stores to jot condom brands and prices.

Either you want kids to learn about sex or you don’t. Pick one. There’s no politically correct way to talk about shoving your dick down some ho’s throat. It is what it is. You can call it fellatio, you can call it oral sex, you can call it whatever the hell you want, but that doesn’t mean you’re not fucking some chick’s face. So guess what? We have to talk about it.

I personally think that kids should just go home, watch porn, and come into class the next day with questions. It’s foolproof. Every regular person who was born before 1995 learned about sex by watching porn anyway. You mix in a little bit of class curriculum and you’ve got yourself a realistic (I stress that word), comprehensive sex ed program. No more putting condoms on bananas – that’s simply retarded. I’ve seen a female student spend about two minutes putting a condom on a banana and then the teacher gave her an ‘A+.” An A+!?! WTF planet am I living on? You have less than 30 seconds to smoothly put that thing on my dick. And by smoothly I mean with the utmost care and regard. A sloppy job that takes 31 seconds means you’re going to be giving me “fellatio” honey. No fellatio, then you fail! That’s real life for you. Two minutes is not A+ work! My dick is in constant danger of getting chopped in half with a rubber band because students waste class time putting condoms on bananas. It’s got to stop.

GEORGETOWN, Del. (AP) — Three generations of a Sussex County family have been charged after a drug investigation by state and local police. Officers executed a search warrant Friday at a home in Georgetown and seized 32 pounds of marijuana and 49 guns— including handguns, semi-automatic rifles, long guns and muzzle loaders. Police also confiscated drug paraphernalia, prescription drugs, ammunition and cash. Four people are facing numerous charges related to drug dealing. They are: 62-year-old Richard Banks Sr; his son and daughter, 41-year-old Richard Banks Jr. and 39-year-old Tabitha Banks; and Tabitha’s 20-year-old daughter, Ashley Banks. 

Like father, like son… like granddaughter.

This is the shit I’m dealing with everyday. There’s just a massive abundance of poorly reported, researched and produced bullshit on the Web today that people call “news.” Picking and choosing what is blog worthy is incredibly difficult for me. There’s simply not enough hours in the day.